There’s no way to sugarcoat it: A breakup or divorce can feel like a physical blow to the system (they don’t call it a broken heart for nothing!). Why? Post-breakup, it’s normal to feel rejection, sadness, emptiness, hurt, anger, pain, and even betrayal depending on the circumstance. “These feelings can affect your emotional health in so many ways by leaving you feeling depleted of energy, lethargic, depressed, and vulnerable; by lowering your interest in going out with friends; and by making you more insecure about meeting new people or being confident in your self-worth,” says Jane Greer, PhD, a New York City-based relationship expert and author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship.
But while it may seem like an insurmountable task to move on from an ex in the moment, Dr. Greer says that following these simple and healthy strategies can help ease the pain of a split and make you feel better about yourself so you can look forward to a brighter and healthier future.
1. Let Your Friends Distract You From Your Breakup
Don’t brush off those invitations to catch up over coffee, get your nails done, or go see a movie — especially if it’s a comedy. Why? Research shows that people who use humor to fight stress also feel less lonely and more positive about themselves. In fact, these simple outings will “enhance your feelings of being taken care of and supported,” says Greer.
2. But Be Choosy About the People You Keep Close
If you’re looking for someone to confide in, avoid the Negative Nancy in your life. Post-split, spend time with people you have fun with and who won’t solely discuss and focus on their problems and their worries. One good reason: “You don’t have the energy or resilience to deal with other people’s problems right now,” says Greer. Let your friends support you, and give yourself the time you need to heal and move on.
3. Eat Feel-Good Foods That Will Boost Your Mood
Breakups can trigger bad eating habits from binge eating to eating next to nothing. Remember to fill up on several servings of vegetables and fruits each day, along with whole grains and lean proteins to keep both your emotional and physical health in tip-top shape. And although we’re not suggesting you take a page from Bridget Jones’ breakup book and finish off a container of Ben & Jerry’s by yourself, research does suggest that dark chocolate (in moderation) is a great mood-booster. Antioxidants called polyphenols in the sweet stuff can actually help you feel calmer and more content post-breakup.
4. Get App Happy
Some of the most powerful tools to help you bounce back after a separation could be sitting in the palm of your hands. “Meditation apps are a great option to clear your mind of negative thoughts,” says Greer. Try Headspace, an app created by a spiritual guru to the stars (read: Gwyneth Paltrow and Emma Watson) that’s been downloaded by over two million people. “As far as dating apps go, give yourself three to six weeks before you start trying to get out there,” warns Greer. Then find a tool that fits what you’re looking for, like Bumble, which allows the woman to make the first move, or How About We, which lets users connect based on suggested date ideas.
5. Craft the Perfect Post-Breakup Playlist
If music can motivate you to get up off the couch and move, why not apply the same idea to busting through the breakup blues? Whether it’s your own breakup anthem or an existing playlist with a good beat, download the music and crank it at the gym, on a walk, or just alone in your room, and let the lyrics serve as a distraction from your former flame. “You want your playlists to energize and revitalize you at this point,” says Greer. Need a place to start? Try these 10 best breakup songs of all time.
6. Just Let It Out and Cry if That’s What Feels Right
“Not only is it okay to freak out [after a breakup], but it’s an important part of the process of healing and bouncing back,” says Greer. “By letting out your sadness and grief and feeling your loss, you will help to bring in new, positive energy,” she continues, adding that the amount of time it takes to mourn the relationship in this capacity varies from person to person.
7. Do the Things You’ve Been Meaning to Try Forever
For better or worse, relationships can be time consuming. You’re both busy at work and tend to spend outside time on shared interests. But if you’ve always wanted to try a cooking class or paddle boarding and your ex wasn’t game, now’s the time! Tight on cash? Organize your own inexpensive activities with friends, or hit up deal sites like Groupon or Living Social to find deeply discounted classes and activities in your area.